I am thankful Aaron and I taught Grandma Helen to be so efficient on the internet.
Today she sent me this HILARIOUS forward about Mitt Romney.
I had to share it.
How Mormon is Mitt Romney?
Last week, Florida evangelical Christian leader John Stemberger endorsed Rick Perry’s campaign for GOP presidential nominee. According to Stemberger, Perry was more “trustworthy” on social conservation issues like abortion rights.
On Romney, Stemberger said: “The issue not that he is a Mormon. The issue is that he wasn’t Mormon enough. If he had been consistent with traditional Mormon values his whole career, that would make me feel a lot more comfortable about where he’s coming from.”
Mitt Romney. Not Mormon enough? Yeah, right.
Stemberger’s ludicrous assessment of Mitt Romney’s Mormonism inspired an eighteen-hour-stream of “Mitt Romney is so Mormon jokes” on Twitter The best are reprinted here…
So, just exactly how Mormon IS Mitt Romney?
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s related to the other Mormon presidential candidate as well as half of his own campaign volunteers.
Mitt is so Mormon… his campaign bus is a pioneer handcart.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d call 19-year-old boys to serve as US ambassadors.
Mitt is so Mormon… his Israel policy will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll ask the Senate to “sustain” his appointees by manifesting with an uplifted hand.
Mitt is so Mormon… he doesn’t do regular Pilates, he does golden Pilates.
Mitt is so Mormon… that his campaign “oppo” team has done all the other candidates’ genealogy.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s organizing his precinct walkers in pairs to knock on doors with a very special message.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d make the Book of Mormon required reading at the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Mitt is so Mormon… that if elected, the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll choke up during his inaugural address and then say, “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he will commission a presidential motorcade entirely of 10-passenger family vans.
Mitt is so Mormon… he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just so he can save it.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s concerned about joining the Tea Party because of Doctrine & Covenants 89.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll start the State of the Union with the words: “I wasn’t going to come up here, but the Spirit just carried me off of the bench.”
Mitt is so Mormon… his campaign biography begins, “I, Willard, having been born of goodly parents.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll ask members of Congress to go home and pray about his economic plan.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d ask the Elders Quorum to help move him into the White House.
Mitt is so Mormon… his first act will be to make July 24th a national holiday.
Mitt is so Mormon… he asks donors to stack chairs after fundraising dinners.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll award Ty Detmer, Steve Young, and Jimmer Fredette the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Mitt is so Mormon… his campaign slogan is “What do you know about Mitt Romney? Would you like to know more?”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll reroute the Freedom Trail through Palmyra, New York; Nauvoo, Illinois; and Winter Quarters, Iowa.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll rename the “Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms” the “Word of Wisdom Squad”.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d do an ad formormon.org<http://mormon.org/> stating: “I’m a husband, father, and leader of the free world. And I’m a Mormon.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he isn’t as concerned about getting American youth jobs as he is about getting them married.
Mitt is so Mormon… he tried to convince CNN to let him bring a visual aid to the debate so he could turn it into an object lesson.
Mitt is so Mormon… that he refers to Congress as “The Great and Spacious Building.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll end every address with “hope you’ll all get home safely, without any harm or accident.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s already picked out a room in the White House for his year’s supply of wheat and beans, and he’ll require the White House Chef to rotate the food storage.
Mitt is so Mormon… he doesn’t campaign. He “fellowships.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s having two basketball hoops installed at the Inaugural Ball so there’s a place to hang decorations.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll change the name of “Cabinet Meeting” to “Correlation Meeting”.
Mitt is so Mormon… if he gets elected all of the White House 9x13 pans would have a piece of masking tape on them with the name “Romney” written in Sharpie.
Mitt is so Mormon… he has four cats named 1st Nephi, 2nd Nephi, 3rd Nephi, and 4th Nephi (4th Nephi is the smallest).
Mitt is so Mormon… late last night he snuck out to put 5000 plastic forks in the lawn of Jon Huntsman. And after that, he heart attacked Rick Perry.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’s going to rename the 101st Airborne as “The Stripling Warriors.”
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll rename FEMA the Federal Relief Society.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll start his acceptance speech with “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”
Mitt is so Mormon… the Marine Band will play “Praise to the Man” when he enters a room.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll appoint Lavell Edwards as Secretary of Defense.
Mitt is so Mormon… he won’t allow advisers wearing non-white dress shirts to participate in cabinet meetings.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’ll rename the weekly presidential address “Politics and the Spoken Word.”
Mitt is so Mormon… his cabinet would consist entirely of unqualified, yet enthusiastic, volunteers.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d convene a Munch-N-Mingle after cabinet meetings, with refreshments blessed “to nourish and strengthen our bodies”.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d hang a copy of the Proclamation on the Family and a picture of the Washington, D.C. LDS temple in the White House.
Mitt is so Mormon… he has volunteers combing through old GOP voter rolls for less actives he can reactivate.
Mitt is so Mormon… he’d put everyone in his stake on the inauguration invite list. Just because.
Mitt is so Mormon… he will add the phrases “every fiber of my being” and “beyond a shadow of a doubt” to the presidential oath of office.
Mitt is so Mormon… the Inagural Dinner will be Ham, Funeral Potatoes, green Jell-o, and red Kool-aid.